Explain the Reason Why We are Expected to Pay $30 for a Movie in the Middle of a Recession

3D movies are garbage.

Yeah, I said it. Three dimensional entertainment is a gimmick and fills no consumer-based need. While I am at home, I do not need to wear two different sets of glasses to: A) Look stupid. B) Shame myself to bed. I don’t need to see three-dee cuts of Hoarders, True Life: I Hate You/Myself/the Sun/Music, and Star Trek: Voyager. No value is added and no information is gained. Aside from the novelty of seeing a Klingon ship ‘jump’ off of the screen (and how a fictional spacecraft would jump is beyond me) I receive no benefit to my experience. I am not more entertained by spending $1,000 per entry to a movie so that I may embarrass myself in front of equally idiotic looking strangers. What I take away from a ‘3D-improved’ (I SO copyright that term, oh and 3D + for good measure) film or show is that I paid good money I don’t have to receive a headache.

To reiterate, in the context of a consumer world, 3D has no bearing. Applying 3D to the broad swath of ‘entertainment’ falls down to one of two industries: movies/broadcast television and video games. If one is to apply this technology to video games, an experience can be marginally improved. My belief is that video games are participatory and therefore can benefit in the slightest of ways where films are a passive medium which only rely on a participants mental and emotional involvement to be successful.

I couch my assertion of minute enhancement because, short of actually getting shot, crashing your car or going outside to punt a physical football, who cares about being MORE immersed in a game? ‘Regular’ folks who play D&D need at most figurines and no less than sheets of paper and dice (barring LARPers). This is essentially the same where we have achieved the minimum requirements to achieve involvement: someone sits down with a controller, they control events in an artificial environment. When you get into the realm of trying to realize fantasy, here I will emphasize escapist enterprises (read: LARPers), you do more harm than good.

Now, I cannot be blamed for not trying to participate and have my socks blown off. I’ll site my degraded movie going experience: Avatar. Sadly I gave the Church of Cameron (no relation) my twenty some bucks a person to ruin a perfectly good evening. I heard the hype of a revolutionary example of storytelling and something otherworldly that would change me forever. Then I took that word-of-mouth advertising and promptly disregarded it, instead, operating with a grain-of-salt level of anticipation to be mildly entertained. Unfortunately, I didn’t even get that far. The thing is, when you are not required to wear glasses to see anything more than two feet away clearly, donning a pair of chintzy frames with film for lenses is what I call, ‘small beans’ or merely a novelty. However, when you need glasses to drive yourself to the theater so that you do not kill a non-glasses wearing movie patron, you start off this situation in the ‘boned’ column.

While not a unique problem, it may surprise you to learn that I wear glasses, PRESCRIPTION glasses. Sitting down in my seat I quickly realized the three options which lay before me. Forgive me for spoiling the ending but I tried all of them. Some may state the easiest and most degrading method of rectifying this situation. “Wear both glasses, dumb-dumb.” Thank you for being so concise. I did. This process produced a less than ideal situation which was only bearable for 15 minute spans of time. Looking at this whole debacle as an experiment in futility I then attempted a switching type approach: I alternated between my $300 glasses paid for by my insurance and me, and the $15 please-dispose-of-me-at-the-end-of-the-movie-so-that-we-can-charge-you-for-them-again-next-time frames. Using this method I entertained myself while deriving no satisfaction from the remaining 2 hours and 12 minutes of the film. My quintessential argument, while switching I was able to see the film but not watch it or allow myself to watch the film but not see it clearly. Ideally, I would have neither watched nor seen the entire movie only to keep the $60 my wife and I spent on tix, glazzes and eats opting instead to spend a meaningful evening at home.



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About Capmcam

An English major following the fad of sarcasm and the passion of video games and film. Witness a few of his waking moments by following him on Twitter @capmcam.

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